To Gulee

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Now it is the best time to remember Gulee.

Gulee is a Uygher girl. We were friends until I was about 12 years old.

Gulee and I used to live on the same street. On that street, I was the only han girl under school age. All other children were boys. My brother and sisters were all attending school. It was difficult for me to find a playmate. In the beginning, I tried to play with boys. But soon I found that I had been treated unfairly. When we played together, all the boys got all the interesting roles. For example, they can be soldiers, scientists, teachers, or even bus driver (the coolest career that I can think of at that time). I can only be a nurse. On top of the boring role, boys’ games were hard to play. I was often the one to be laughed at. I was not as fast or strong as them. When we played hide and seek, I often cannot run fast enough to hide in a safe place. They would drag my pony tails when they found me. When we played war games, they would use sticks to poke at my back since I couldn’t run faster. Sometimes, they pushed me to the ground covered with stones. Every time when I played with boys, I got bruises and scratches on my arms and knees. My mom said that there was not even one day that I had no bruises on me when I was before the school age. I absolutely hated that.

Soon, I found Gulee who was about my age. Of course, in the mean while, I was disappointed at the fact that she was a Uygher girl. On that street, Han usually don’t speak with Uygher. They were like a mystery to us. What do they eat? What do they do at home? All han children wanted to know. Adults warned us to stay away from Uygher children, who looked really wild. They run as fast as lightning and they often yell. When han children got together, the older ones often tell stories. One of the stories that I remembered was about a blind singer on the street.

“You know how was that blind singer blinded?

We all shake our heads vigorously.

“Because when he was little, he was caught by a Uygher man.”

“really? What did this Uygher man do?”

“What a stupid question. He must poke that boy's eyes out.”

“Who is stupid? I thought that was a stupid answer.”

“Do you want to listen or not?”

We then nodded vigorously.

“When the Uygher man caught a han boy, he hung him on his grapevines”.

“Really? That was strange. Why did he do that.”

“Be quiet. Otherwise, I will not continue.”

“Shut up. Shut up..”

“Then a crow landed on the grapevine.”
We started to tremble.

“The crow cracked the eyes out of this boy using its peaks. Uygher people can talk with crow. He asked the crow to blind the boy, so he cannot be charged with his crime.”

“Is that a true story?”

“Of course it is true. My brother told me about this.”

“Which Uygher man did this?”

“All of them would do it.”

I was as scared as the rest of children on that street.

But when I met Gulee, I was really bored and I was desperately needing a girl friend. So risking my own life, I waved to Gulee. She hesitated for a moment and then she approached me quietly. In her eyes, I saw fear, as if they also had a story about han taking eyes out of their children. She spoke very few Mandarin. But she asked me in Mandarin: what do you want? Very unfriendly in the beginning. I showed her my doll. The muscle on her face relaxed. Then she run away. I was so disappointed. After a minute, she returned and she held a wooden doll in her arm. It was so cool. It was the first time when I saw a wooden doll. She dragged my arm and wanted to show me more of her toys. I followed her to her home. Then I saw grapevines in the yard. Fear quickly grasped my heart. I turned and run back to my own home.

After that, Gulee and I often played together. She was also the only Uygher girl under school age. In our games, we often pretended to be mom and we would dress our dolls using clothes made from grape leaves. We would cook meals using mud, stone and sand. Han boys would watch us play. When we finished making dishes, they would run to destroy our mud dishes. They would step on them relentlessly. But we would start all over again. It was always fun to make some dishes. I was so happy to be able to play games as a girl.

One day, Gulee told me that her father made her a cool new toy. She wanted me to go to her home to see it. I couldn’t resist my curiosity. When I entered her yard, I dared not to breath, since I saw her father sitting under the grapevines. There was a crow resting on the vines. I was shaking. What would Gulee's father tell that crow? Bite me? I frozed there.

Seeing me standing as still as a piece of wood, Gulee dragged me to her room. Then I saw it. It was a beautiful wooden pony. It was big. We can ride on it. We played that pony for a while. When it was dark, I decided to go home. When I entered the yard, I heard Gulee’s father talking to Gulee. I dared not to look at him. I started to shake again. Gulee dragged me to a corner of the yard. I wanted to cry. Will they hang me? Gulee took out a silver pot and started to pour water. “Wash your hands”. She ordered. I washed my hands. Then she dragged me to sit beside her father. I peaked at her father. He looked so serious. I dared not to speak. Then Gulee’s mother appeared with a tray on her arm. There was a lot of white things on that tray. “Try one” Gulee said. “It is good.” I took one and tried. It was dry cheese. It was indeed good cheese. “please, eat more”. I felt relaxed and started to enjoy cheese.

After that day, I often visted Gulee’s home. They were great cooks. had so many good food there. I ate grape, water melon, roasted lamb and baked potatoes. I always had to wash my hand using their silver pot. Later I heard that washing hands using silver pot was their way to treat honored friends. During nights, there would be several Uygher families dancing around fire. Gulee dragged me to join them. Her mom taught me how to dance. It was a lot of fun dancing and singing with them. Nobody were surprised at my presence. They only saw me as their own child. Sometimes, Gulee's mom would comb my hair and dress me like one of her daughters. Those dresses were so colorful. I even felt being beautiful.

Gulee never visited my home, since we ate pork. One afternoon, Gulee knocked at my door. My mom answered the door. Gulee gave my mom a big basket of grape. My mom didn’t take it in the beginning. Then Gulee put that basket down and run away. My mom was worried, since she didn’t want to be friend with Gulee’s family. Now she didn’t know who to deal with this basket of grape. She wanted to send it back. But she thought that would offend Gulee’s family. She told me not to touch that grape until she found a solution. After a while, she told me that I can eat that grape. She went to the kitchen and cooked some steamed bun. Then she filled that basket with the steamed bun and asked me to return the basket to Gulee’s family. That was the beginning. Every festival, such as spring festival or even China independent day, Gulee’s family would cook something for us. Every spring festival, han in Xinjiang would make some Sanzi, which is one of Uygher cookies. We always had the best Sanzi on the street, which was made by Gulee’s family. Our guests will eat a lot of our Sanzi and praised it endlessly.

When I was Six, Gulee was seven. Her father decided that she should go to Han’s school, not Uygher school. It was a very brave decision, since majority of Uygher children went to their own school. I became Gulee’s school mate. We were not in the same class. She studied hard and always ranked top three in her class. The entire school was pround of Gulee. She got many awards. She attended several conferences representing our school. The principle of school visited her family and praised Gulee infront of her parents. She was famous in our small town. Many Uygher families consider her as a role model. There were more and more Uygher children attending han's school. Gulee also made a lot of han friends. Her house was always open to us. We all went to her home to taste grape when it was grape season. Her parents were always welcoming.

When I was at the fouth grade, some boys started to give me hells. Sometimes, boys truly can be hell. I often found frog in my drawers and my book bags in the ditch. They did this to all girls. Not only me. Some girls just ignored these boys. Boys soon found these girls boring. They focused on crying girls like me. Their tricks became more and more unbearable. One day, I even found the back of my outfit was covered by inks. But I was too little to know how to deal with this. I cried infront of Gulee. I guess she told her brother about this. I met her brothers several times at her house. I didn’t know that they thought of me as their little sister already. They were attending Uygher’s school.

One afternoon, Gulee told me that her brothers would come to our school to protect me. After school, boys followed me as usual. They started to laugh and drag my bag. When I saw Gulee's brothers, the boy were throwing my books into the ditch. I cried powerlessly. Gulee's brothers run to us and they circled those bad boys. They started to fight. Without any doubts, Ugyher were good fighters, since they had very little fear in their hearts. I was standing there watching. In the beginning, I felt happy since I hated those boys. Then I saw one of Gulee’s brother used a brick to break a boy’s head. I screamed in fears. Gulee went there to stop her brothers. But it was too late. That boy was bleeding. We found our teachers and sent that boy to the hospital together. That poor boy stayed in the hospital for a week before he can return to school. I didn't know what to do. I was so scared.

Ever since then, I kept a distance with Gulee. She seemed to be able to understand my fear. In her eyes, I saw understanding. She also saw that I felt frustrated with my fear. I can see her frustrations as well. Her heart used to be stronge. But now, she had a tender heart like mine. Her grades started to drop. When I was at the fifth grades, my family moved to a different neighborhood and I transferred to a new school. I never said goodbye to Gulee. I truly wanted to. But goodbye was such a meaningless word. There was never any bye bye can be good. Why people insist on saying good bye? I chose my own way to leave that street: disappear as if I was never there. I often wonder if I hurted Gulee by disappearing without saying anything. But I knew she would understand. She know how much fear I had in my tiny little heart made of glass.

When I was in the middle school, I heard that Gulee went to Uygher middle school. There was a day when I was shopping, I felt someone patting my shoulder. I turned and it was Gulee. We were so happy to see each other again and we hugged each other. I then saw her father selling grapes in that market. They almost forced me to take some of their grape. I left with a basket of grapes on my arm. That was the last time when I saw Gulee. I never met her again. She never crossed my mind until four years ago when I was in Beijing.

Four years ago, after staying in the US for several years, I was totally lost in Beijing. It was no longer a city where I can find my own ways. I stopped a cab to find a build that was supposed to be 0.5 mile away. When the cab driver asked me where did I come from, I replied without thinking: Xinjiang. He paused for a second and asked me: “I mean, where did you come from originally.” “ You mean my parent’s hometown?” “Yes.” “They came from Anhui.” “You may want to tell other people that you are from Anhui.” “Why? I grow up in Xinjiang and I am of course a Xinjiang people”. “But the reputation of Xijinag people are horrible here. They are considered thieves and gangsters”. “They cannot be all bad. May a few of them.” “A few? If you walk on the street during nights and you see Xinjiang people, you should run as fast as you can.” I was hurted very much. No. They cannot be thieves. My Gulee and her family. They are decent people with good hearts. I started to defend them:”I cannot believe that you are so biased.” The driver was offended by my attitude and he replied:”You now. Beijing used to be a good place. It is entirely ruined by people like you. Without you, migrants, Beijing would be richer and better.” “What? How can you say things like this. Do you realize that it was migrants who helped to build Beijing?” “The central government spent a lot of money on Xinjiang. People there were lazy and uneducated. Without those lazy Xinjiang people, Beijinger can have a far better life.” I was so speechless. I then demanded him to stop the car. I walked out. I nearly cried. Nobody can say anything that hush about Gulee and her people.

In front of the building that I was looking for, I was feeling lost again. Beijing was like a monster swallowing me. That was the time when I realized that I can no longer be separated from Uygher people. They have found a place in my heart. I missed Julee and missed the time when we played together. Maybe she is married. She could be a mom now. She would dress up her own daughter. But I cannot find her…I knew even if I found her, I don’t know what to say. Will she remember me as how I remembered her? Will she? What will she think of me in the future? I don’t know….But I do know now it is the best time to remember Gulee.

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