Born to want to be loved

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Movie making has proven to be really profitable. As a result, each year, there are hundreds of movies released. Although, movies helped a great deal for me to understand this world, my tolerance for a so so movie was really really limited. I often dare not to watch just any movies. The reason I watched the pride and prejudice is because My sister used to read the novel when I was a little kid. I disliked that story back then. Now, when I watched it as a Movie, I actually like it.

Lizze's life has many elements that would be considered as nightmares for most of the girls in the world. Her look is plain. Nevertheless, she has a stunning sister, who is perfect in almost every possible way. Her mother is silly and awkward. She certainly can never serve as a role model. Her father couldn't have cared less about her life.

The positive things in her life were also depressing. Even she has an inferior birth, her life is still decent, and she never truly experienced poverty, which makes it difficult for her to comprise. The most hazardous thing is her intelligence, which makes her sensitive and complicated. Also the most embarrassing positive thing happened to her: she has a admirer, who happened to be ridiculous. What could have done more damage to a girl's image than a ridiculous admirer?

Everyday, she could be infected with all sorts of ill thoughts. Sights of the beauty of her sister every moment, could undoubtedly stir up jealousy. Watching her mother's ridiculous acts could raise shameful feelings. Her father's careless miner could really turn every of her hope to desperation.

If she never fought with those negative elements, her destiny should be a mixture of the hate towards the reality and the indulgence of self-pity. But for some reason, the most extraordinary thing just had happened. She had grown to be a health girl. She is cheerful, and caring. Her merits were wide spread, and too numerous to list. They could be as miner as her love of the nature. It could be as glory as her willingness to sacrifice herself. She is confident and in the meanwhile modest. She behaved appropriately, but never had too much formality to be superficial. Her mind was never infected with any ill thoughts.

Any audience will have to love her. She defined herself and chose her own destiny. Isn't that admirable? Because of your love to her, you naturally think she deserves the very best on the earth. Here comes Mr. Darcy. To add a little twist, he appeared to inadequate at first, since the things he did indicate that he was proud and cruel. Only later, we found that he is perfect in every way.

In this movie, Lizze is a character in 1800's. You will find it is so nature that Jane's life is centered on the love. Back then, woman's major job is to find a man to marry. Now, things have changed. We, woman, are expected to man's jobs. Then why, people still love this novel and also the movie?

I remember when I was little, I noticed how beautiful my sister was, and how ugly I was. I dare not to look at minors. I read extensively. I had hoped that it can make it up to my appearance, which only made everything worse. The more I read, the more I realize that all men are equally shallow and they are all hopelessly possessed with beauties.

At age 11, I envisioned a possible miserable life for myself to be at 30s, I was in a deep desperation. I remember, when I was 11 there was a day when the house was out of the electricity, I lighted a candle to study. My sister asked me: why are you studying this hard? I stared at her and couldn't say a word.

At age 11, I already knew the pride and Prejudice is just a fairytale. I refuse to accept it, since I knew in every fairytale, the forever-happiness always grow out of a muddy misery. I pretend I never wanted to be loved, since I knew I cannot get it.

At age 31, I found myself tearing in front of this movie. I felt pain in my chest when Lizze declined Mr. Darcy's proposal. I guess I was not stupidified by aging. I just had no fears anymore. If I look back, the reason I disliked this novel is because I was fighting with my desire to be loved. To make sure that I wouldn't feel disaappointed later, I squeezed the throat of hopes that one day, I will be loved. Silly, isn't it?

Now I know everybody was born to want to be loved. I also knew people can not always get what they wanted. I start to indulge myself in fairytales once in a while. The most important thing is I am already in my 30s, and I have lost part of my youth. I no long fear a loveless life.


My tears were running out of eyes when I watched Liz and Darcy kissed each other. I wiped my tears and closed the movie. Maybe I should start to pack. Tomorrow, I will take TRAIN...real TRAIN to go somewhere. I don't truly care where I will go. On a train, love no longer matters..........Since we are all strangers......we don't love strangers...........


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